Ned Pepper's Outrages

Thursday, February 3, 2011

3 The Dwarf Lords Seek a Lady of the Quest

Tired in body and spirit, the dwarf lords plodded all day on the road through the mountains on their way to the City of The Magic Negro. As evening fell, they chanced to spy an inn, with a welcoming light in the window, and smoke coming up the chimney. They entered and found rooms for the night. After feasting on ground body part and more Lite Ale, they fell into conversation with their host, the innkeeper and his beautiful daughter.
'We have indeed heard tales of the Evil Negro and his Great Wand', said their host, 'but we have ways to protect our daughters from his spell. The Lady of the Moose lives in a glen at the foot of a mighty mountain not three leagues from here, and she can make an amulet that counters the Magic Negro's power.' And at this, the dwarfs looked at the innkeeper's daughter approvingly, although it must be said that the look given her by Rudy Fuggedaboutit and Haley of the Red Neck was more akin to a leer.
'You should ascend to the Moose Queen's home at break of day', the innkeeper advised them. And so they went to bed, much encouraged, and talked of NASCAR and prayed to Jesus (or so it seemed) before retiring. At break of day, they took a quick repast and set off. After an hour or so, they saw a great stone castle, with moose antlers guarding the great door. 'This must be the place', said Romni with wonder. In the yard of the castle was a Lady, wondrous fair, who was butchering a small moose. Although her hands dripped with carrion, she smiled lustily and greeted them thus: 'You are the Dwarf Lords on a quest. Your fame you see has preceded you. How may I serve you?' And with this, she cut off a moose pizzle and threw it into a growing ple. They shuddered, but Little Timmy cried, 'We seek a charm that will protect us against the Magic Negro!'
'You have come to the right place,'she smiled.
To be continued.

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