Ned Pepper's Outrages

Friday, July 8, 2011

Warning: Disgustometer Readings High Today

Ned's disgustometer has reached a high not seen since the halcyon days of the criminal Bush regime, when it broke through its casing and had to be rebuilt. The readings today arise out of reports that the nation's obesity levels have reached all-time highs. The top nine obese states are all members of the Old Confederacy + Kentucky, which should tell us something, mainly that these places are generally unfit for human habitation. But we digress.
Ned was reading this news while sitting at his local Starbucks drinking a short Pike's Place. He has noticed that almost no one orders anything smaller than a "grande" which may help explain both an obesity epidemic and an unreported excess of disposable income. But we digress again.
What got Ned's ire raised to nearly unprecedented heights was the sight of so many disgusting fat people, of all ages, sexes, races and persuasions. And this in a state that was 35th on the list of obesity by states!
Another point: those who were most repulsively obese were the ones who seemed to flaunt their obesity by wearing revealing and tight clothing. A girl in her teens wore a tight green top, and she must have been 50 pounds overweight. A man had a tightly-cinched belt and shorts, the shorts exposing legs of staggering flab content, and the belt was cinched such that his roll of fat literally spilled over the belt and lapped on the abdomen below like so many waves on a beach.
And all this at a time when we hear of crises in health care, when 50 million of our fellows cannot or will not afford health care, and, more and more, health care costs are being driven by this epidemic in obesity, all of it avoidable.
ALL OF IT AVOIDABLE. Ned asks again: where is the guardia civil when you need it?

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