Ned Pepper's Outrages

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Irritating Phrases From Idiots-The Sequel!

Ned's friends will be aware that he does not have a high opinion of the intelligence of the "average" American, occasionally referring to them, perhaps too harshly, as the "room temperature IQ set." But one thing of which Ned is convinced is, that most of these persons, whether possessing room temperature IQ or marginally higher, have at best a rudimentary command of the Mother Tongue. Ned has developed a hypothesis that to compensate for this, Americans interject useless words and phrases into their everyday attempts at conversation in order to perhaps extend the time they dominate a conversation or, in the case of commercial transactions, perhaps to convince the customer that his/her time is valued and they bitterly regret wasting any of it.
Ned will offer here a couple of examples.
When he was much younger (and in a somewhat different persona) he had a colleague named Eric, a draftsperson employed on the same research project as Ned. This individual had the annoying habit of starting each interrogatory phrase with the word "Question:" After enduring several of these interactions, Ned somewhat in exasperation responded thusly: "Eric, you don't need to say 'question' at the beginning of a question."
Since then, he has become aware of other annoying examples of Americanisms, and most recently an exchange between Ned and a Little Friend in a UPS Office offered Ned another strand in that rich tapestry. The person would use the phrase "real quick" in every statement or request, to wit: "Just step over here real quick." And, "I just need to see your ID real quick." And, "we'll have that package for you real quick." And "we can help you pay for that over here real quick."
Ned began to grind his teeth in impotent rage midway through this interaction, and Mrs Ned derived much amusement at Ned's expense.
Ned will add one more example in a similar vein. There is a lamentable, no, damnable tendency on the part of many to substitute the phrase "quick question" for the usual "question."
This habit also drives Ned to distraction, because, as Ned's friends will no doubt agree, such questions are in fact never "quick."
Ned admonishes his readers to have a nice day.

3 comments:

  1. How about "but yet" as in "I haven't eaten all day but yet I'm not hungry"?

    Don't forget, "if you could". "If you could just step this way . . ." or "If you could just sign here . . ."

    Others that come to mind are "Because why?" and the ubiquitous "you know" and "and uhhh".

    "I haven't eaten all day but yet I'm not hungry, you know? But uhh, if you could just drop me at the maw and and etc, you know?"

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  2. The list is, indeed, growing. A second sequel? Hollywood would be envious...

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  3. Ned also recommends, "a.m. in the morning," as in "we got in at 6 am in the morning."

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