Ned Pepper's Outrages

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

FEMALE HALFBRIGHT NOMINEES

Some of Ned's more PC readers have complained that Ned discriminated against women in the first round of the eagerly awaited Halfbright awards. And Ned is nothing if not sensitive to such charges, whether true or not. Therefore, the second round of Halfbright nominees will contain a disproportionate share of women from a very fertile field.
Naturally the first to be nominated is

SARAH PALIN: Half-term "Governor" of Alaska (a state with the population of Washington DC), mayor of Wasila (population 6,000 counting moose) and VP candidate with John McCain, Palin has shown, with her breathtaking sanctimonious hypocrisy, dysfunctional family life while running as a 'family values' candidate, and astonishing pride in her almost unlimited ignorance of important issues, that she is a natural and strong candidate for a Halfbright.
SHARRON ANGLE: The Republican fringe candidate for Senator from Nevada has come from nowhere to stand in the front row of strong Halfbright nominees. Her transcendentally ignorant remarks on almost anything of substance, her lack of rudimentary command of the English language (even that bastardized version practiced in the US), her incendiary remarks on firearms, and her clear lack of the slightest competence to be a US Senator all make her a strong Halfbright candidate.
MARSHA BLACKBURN: The comely face of southern Republicanism, Blackburn hails from the lily-white, gerrymandered 7th Congressional District of Tennessee. A strong proponent of "smaller" government, "lower" taxes and "more" freedom, she is tough as a hawthorne spike and exudes about as much empathy and intellect as a sea-snake. Always on CSPAN gabbling on about some preposterous issue or another to cement the support of the know-nothing racists that form her main constituency and, not to discriminate, the basis of support of every southern "states rights" Republican. A strong Halfbright candidate.
CARLY FIORINA: The Republican face of pure political opportunism, Fiorina was not content with running HP into the ground and walking away with a $30 million buyout + her own jet plane, and why should she be, when any incompetent parvenu could run for office as a Republican if they have enough money and enough designer clothes. Naturally she is running as a " "lower taxes," "less government," and "personal responsibility" woman of the people, whose initial criticism of Barbara Boxer, her opponent, was her hairstyle. Ned also appreciates her dedication to "fighting for every job", after cutting 18,000 jobs at HP. Especially noteworthy to Ned is her penchant for referring to herself in the third person; to wit, "Carly believes strongly that every American should have access to quality, affordable health care."
All in all, a very compelling candidate for a Halfbright.

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