5. A Narrow Escape

Just as Cracker Bodine (such was his name) was unhitching his trousers, which were richly stained with material of a deep brown color, and began to circle around Haley, prompting his associates to began to smile, anticipating some unexpected sport, a great knocking was heard at the door. 'Open up! City tax inspector!' and in strode a very fat man chewing on a very wet cigar, wearing a badge and a name tag that said simply "BUTTS." Holding an official-looking form containing a small picture, Butts scanned the room briefly then asked 'Are yew Cracker Sparky Bovine?' 'Bodine,' said Cracker, sullenly. 'What the hell do yew want?' 'I have here a warrant to seize this proppity' and he looked about himself with no great reverence for the property he was about to seize,'for nonpayment of city taxes. 'Cracker turned to his associate angrily and said 'Goddamit Booger, I gave you the money to pay them taxes last week! 'Wey-yull,'the individual so-named replied sheepishly, 'I was a-meanin' to, but my girl friend Curly Fay had to go over to Eufala and visit a doctor right sudden.' 'Shit, Booger that girl is only eleven!' Naw! Well, twelve next month!'
Butts waved them to be silent with evident disgust, and began,'This proppitymustbesealedandunoccupieduntilpaymentofasumtobedeterminedbyamagistrate...'. He was about to go on until his attention was drawn to the dwarf lords and their fly-encrusted moose pizzles.'Who in blazes are yew and what the hell are yew wearing?' Before the dwarfs could answer Butts noticed the boiling rat and peremptorily declared 'no cooking may be done in the presence of insect infestations. Yew are also in violation of city health laws. Now you and yer friends git outside and wait by my van!' he ordered the dwarfs, who were only too happy to comply, and out they scurried.
When Butts had secured the premises, he turned his attention to the dwarf lords, thusly. 'I have never seen such a crew in my entire professional career. What the hell are you fellows up to?' And the dwarfs briefly tried to explain their quest, omitting any mention of seizing the Magic Negro's treasure and Great Wand.
'Why hell, them border guards were just havin' a little fun with yew. Did you offer them any money in the way of an inducement to allow you in? If not, they wuz expectin' it, a sort-of 'irregular gratuity,' if you know what I mean. And if you didn't, why you can give it to me.' and the dwarf lords collected their remaining money and gave Deputy Butts a large part of it. 'Now, take them damn pizzles off yer neck. If you have to keep them, stuff 'em in your pockets, Otherwiseyewareguiltyofcreatingapublicnuisanceundersection332ofthecitycode', he droned.
They imediately complied, with evident relief, and enquired about securing a guide to the City of the Magic Negro. 'Hell, you don't need no guide. They was just havin' a bit of fun. Just head on down this highway and follow the signs. If you have any trouble, just give 'em this note and say it is from Deputy Wurzel Buddy Butts.'
And so, relishing their narrow escape the dwarf lords began the final phase of their Quest, to meet and vanquish The Magic Negro.