As the dwarf lords trudged though a dark wood on their way to the land of the Magic Negro, they happened to pass a dank hut, overgrown with the rankest weeds. As they passed, wet and shuddering, a giant troll emerged from the hut. 'STOP!' He cried. "I am the keeper of the Holy Flame. Only the purest in heart can pass! Are you pure? Do you adhere to the one True Faith? Speak!' He commanded. 'Yea!' The dwarfs cried. Romni squeaked, 'I am the true believer! I even accept Brigham Young as my savior in addition to Jesus!' 'Don't listen to him!' Cried Huck of the Billy Hills. 'Jesus is my own personal savior!' 'Wait' cried Thune the Great, 'I speak to Jesus ever day!'. Little Timmy cried, 'I base all my daily actions on the dictates of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ!' To this, The Newt and all the others cried 'Amen Lord, Amen!'
But the Giant Troll, Keeper of the Holy Flame cried 'STOP!' I don't give a rats ass about any Jesus. Are you FISCALLY SOUND? Do you believe in the one True Way? Do you adhere to 'less government', 'fewer regulations','more freedom, and no taxes on your betters in the Sneering Plutocracy? Speak!'
'Yea!!' All the dwarfs cried, with apparent relief. But the Newt cried 'What about family values? I have had more wives than anyone. I am the Prince of Family Values!' And all the other dwarfs groaned.
'Pass!' Cried the Troll. 'You are all worthy to challenge the Magic Negro and seize his Magic Wand!'
And, with a giant sigh of relief, they all opened another Lite Ale and trudged along the path that led to the Great White House.
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