Arising out of his observations this past week, Ned today announces the need for a new International Psychiatric Conference to address the growing tendency for grotesque fat people to aggressively call attention to their condition. The situation that caused this resolution was this: Ned had occasion to have a pedicure (yes, and let his adversaries and belittlers make the most of it), and he was astonished to see the large (!) number of grotesquely fat people of all ages, that came in for pedicures and manicures, almost exclusively female. Many of these persons were repulsively fat, dressed in tight clothing, but were apparently intent on having their toes colored and their fingernails polished and manicured. Ned can only conclude that this activity made them feel attractive, and they were capable of overlooking the repulsive grotesqueness of their obesity and focus on the banal triviality of the color of their fingernails and toenails.
Ned, not being a psychiatrist or even a psychologist, has no explanation for this bizarre behavior, and so he calls upon his brothers and sisters in the medical profession to explain such aberrant behavior to him. All he can tentatively surmise is that it is easier to get a pedicure than to eat sensibly and exercise.
Two common statements that I've heard from parents and educators come to mind:
ReplyDelete"You're all winners!"
"It's your 'inner beauty' that counts."
Thank you, Oprah.
'Ow about--'it's not what you got, it's how you use it!'
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