Climbing a wall of stupid: solving the "debt crisis"

Ned has secreted himself for the past few weeks, and has been deep in study and calculation. He is now ready to announce his solution to the "debt" crisis in this country: buy it. Buy it all. Here's how. Treasury notes, say 5-year, pay about 1% interest. Let's sell all we can, say ten trillion dollars worth. The Chinese have plenty of money, as do the Japanese. For that 10 trillion, we need to come up with $100 billion a year to pay the interest. Now we use the money to buy all the debt of the Fortune 500 companies, which pay about 5% a year. Then we buy all the muni bonds of AAA rated states like Virginia, which pay about 4%. Then we by all the dividend-paying stocks that pay over 4%, like Verizon, AT and T and Florida Power. We realize about $500 billion a year in interest on these risk-free investments. Pay the $100 billion interest to the Asians and we have 400 BILLION A YEAR PROFIT. We use this to rebuild our infrasturcture, hiring millions of people in the process, all of whom pay taxes, resulting in a flood of revenue to every state in the country, even those stupid enough to have elected knuckledragger GOP politicians. For those purists out there, we can use $100 billion a year to pay down the debt. We pay off the debt with our profits on the interest and dividends.
Now, Ned will sit quietly and humbly and await his call from that Idiot in the White House to be his Treasury Secretary, as well as his call from the Nobel Committee.